Jack Bauer to the Rescue... of Our Economy.
OK. We're now deep into yet another season of cliff-hangers where Jack Bauer solves a basketful of crises in 24 hours. All this and he usually has time to spark a new female love interest, bury a few trusted colleagues, and be a guinea pig for more experimental drugs than Jerry Garcia. I think it's time we put him on the case that would really test his patience and his tolerance. That's right... let's get Jack to fix our economy! Before you dismiss this as mere ramblings of a frustrated entrepreneur, I think he has seven major characteristics that bode well for his success. So here goes...- Jack Bauer is not afraid to take on the entrenched establishment and challenge all authority. Do you really think that after emerging from three years in a Chinese prison, holding a U.S. President hostage, sacrificing his girlfriend, or torturing countless terrorists that Jack would be intimidated by Ken Lewis? Bob Nardelli would return to Home Depot as a staffer at the paint desk if Jack "suggested" it was best for Chrysler. We need more than Tim Geithner jabbing at his former Wall Street buddies, we need Jack to deliver the kind of shot-to-the-shorts that leaves the under-performers on their knees.
- Jack Bauer is always committed to the cause. You never doubt where his motivation lies. He is agnostic when it comes to political agendas and ruthless when it comes to accomplishing the task. Jack would never play handball with his adversaries, unless he had a grenade on the court. Could you imagine him rescuing the boys at AIG and then standing by impotently while they threw a lavish holiday party for clients and friends? I doubt if the inner sanctum at GM would dare venture out in public if they knew Jack was managing their bailout and eventual bankruptcy. We lowly taxpayers and small business owners would need only watch the nightly news to see the miscreants quaking at the mere mention of his next move.
- Jack Bauer takes great personal risk and isn't afraid to get hurt. The Washington crowd specializes in damage control, desperately trying to protect their best interests and campaign donors. Jack wouldn't be afraid to lose some share value (and maybe even some teeth) to expose the moribund business models and incestuous labor-management relations at our automobile companies. Jack would have said "NO" to the first bank bailout and let the markets absorb the losses and rectify the poor judgements of players who have already had too much time on stage. These micro-achievers who found ways to subvert the system and play outside the established yard would have encountered an adversary who was fearless when it comes to pain and entirely ready to do the right thing. What a change from the expediency of Paulsen, Pelosi, Bernanke and Frank!
- Jack Bauer knows that collateral damage is a consequence of action. Think about it. If you are any kind of living, breathing decision-maker, you know that sacrifices will be made right along with your decision to act. Jack has a fractious relationship with his daughter who blames him for at least a few deaths of loved ones. Presidents are exiled or killed, likeable servants of the cause are imprisoned, CEOs are stripped of their dignity and their rights, and numerous government minions awaken to a new reality when Jack is on the scene. What a refreshing change from the endless hand-wringing and angst-ridden warnings of the overpaid pundits on CNN, MSNBC and Fox.
- Jack Bauer gets others involved but knows what to share. Throughout every season, I always had the sense that Jack was the only one who really had the plan. He sees around corners better than the latest Pentagon contraption but never lets you know exactly what is there. He is the essence of a leader in times of crisis. Be honest, but not to a fault. If Jack were managing this showdown, you can bet that Joe Lunchbucket would know what's going on but maybe not what's next. Jack wouldn't be running to every photo-op to make the 6:30 network news broadcast. No, he'd have his team working hard under his direction and each one would have a good part (but not all) of the story. The only one holding all the cards is the leader. Why? Because he also has all the responsibility.
- Jack Bauer never assumes it's really over. It's really quite silly that we already have policy wonks running around pontificating that the crisis is over. Can you really believe the near-collapse of our financial system will be entirely reversed inside of six months with these guys running point? Only Jack would see all the implications of these sophisticated derivatives, hedge funds, default swaps, and tax shelters. Heck, he's the guy who knew that the computer virus directed at our power grid was tied to some industrialists who possessed bio-weapons aimed at major U.S. cities. Jack is always prepared for that next shoe, and it never drops on his head. Don't you think he'd already be taking steps to forestall deflation, another oil price run-up, further real estate collapse or foreign divestiture of U.S. securities? Jack knows it's game on, not game over as some of our short-sighted managers would have us believe.
- Jack Bauer gets it done in 24 hours. OK, this one I'll concede as probably out of even Jack's capacity. But wait, this is a guy who diverted a nuclear weapon, reprogrammed a super-computer network, saved hundreds of refugee children, romanced the Secretary of State's daughter, successfully battled infections from a variety of nerve-jangling, brain-altering drugs and bugs, and did it all in 24 hours! Do you think that CDOs are more terrifying than WMDs? Any chance that his sheer force of will scares the pants off fat-bellied, golfing CEOs? Anybody want odds that his commitment to driving real change would actually produce results a lot faster than our Washington broker-dealers? Maybe he wouldn't get it done in 24 hours but he'd be a lot closer than our current bunch of posers and actors.
So, there it is. A brief run through Jack Bauer's qualifications to get us out of this financial minefield created by the Wall Street and Washington collaborators. If you don't think he's up to the task... how about Jack Welch? Or Jack Black? The bottom line is this, if you think our managers in Washington can really lead with courage and proactively guide us out of this swamp, then you don't know Jack. Too bad he's just a figment of a writer's imagination and an actor's portrayal. In that respect alone, he could be a politician.
Labels: 24, Barney Frank, economic downturn, financial collapse, Henry Paulsen, Jack Bauer, Jack Welch, Nancy Pelosi, Wall Street, Washington
posted by Tom Hagerty @ 4:39 PM
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